October12 13… What is the day today? I don’t know! Does it matter? What difference does it make? I have lived thirty something years and all my life I have been counting October, November, December… Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… nothing but a thirty something years of October, November…yet nothing seems to change. At least the days are not changed, the months are not changed…boring. Life is nothing but a tedious 7 days a week and 12 months a year routine.
Morning-evening, day-night… where does the adventure of life lies? Aren’t we bound to these depressing routines? Why do we fool ourselves? Why do we cheat ourselves by saying each day is a new day? Is each day a new day? Is it? If so, what’s new about it? Eating three or whatever times a day, going out, coming in, falling asleep, waking up in the morning again…boring.
October13 14…The next day
Saturday, weekend, the day started as usual; lazy morning on bed, no appetite, yet I tried forcedly feeding myself with a home-made lunch, and tried to figure out what to do next or where to go; should I meet my friends? Or should I just lie on my couch and read my newly bought book? Or should I watch a movie…Finally, after a long lasted monologue I decided to stay home and read my book. This is one of my preferred routines, especially when I don’t feel like going out or meet people. I read books to forget about the ‘real’ world and to feel good about myself. I prefer reading philosophy books because they are not scenery of the ‘real’ life; they are the kind of books that give answers to the kind of life I am living. I have exhausted most Skeptic philosophy books because they give me reason to deny this ‘real’ world.
…Any ways, I lit my Marlboro light and inhaled the smoke deeply as I fall back on my couch. Considering my laziness, I gathered some of the stuffs I needed to make them handier- ashtray, the remote control to my stereo, some cookies, a couple of beers…
Going off the regular, is the title of the book I bought. I opened the first few pages, dedication- “This book is dedicated to you” I randomly said “ok!” as I went through my reading I paused on reading a phrase again and again “life is a test. It is only a test had it been a real life you would be instructed where to go and what to do.”It seems like I found an answer to my common doubt about the reality of the life we live.
The book continues on saying, “life is a series of tests, you fail, you pass, you study and learn from your mistakes, you improve, you may fail again as your level increases, you acquire more knowledge and experience... it’s an inevitable path, a route of life. The adventure of life however lays on which line you follow, the common and the usual or off the regular. That’s the freshness of life; each route has its own unique answers and visions to your life. Go out and experiment on your life, take the test and never work on it just to participate but to go beyond, to exceed…”
I couldn’t take my eyes of the book; even for a slightest moment, I was in to it, line by line. The book literally spoke to me with the exact words I needed to hear. Have you ever get stuffed with words? Have you ever felt like throwing out after having too much of a thing? I felt likewise after nearly reading the entire book within a day. Hence, I snatched the book of my eyes and started to meditate on what I read; I started reviewing my past life. I have been limiting my perspectives; I have been subduing my potential out of cynicism and doubt. I was living in my own little depressed world.
I somehow felt positive energies inside.“...maybe I am being too pessimist about everything; maybe it’s time to change my perspective, I should see the world from a different angle…” suddenly I wanted to go out and do adventures; I wanted to go off the regular… till I realized the day already got old, bed time.
October 14, Morning
Do we open our eyes first or do we just wake up? I don’t know. Whichever works for you; I woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in years. I couldn’t wait to go out and see the world again, I am feeling energies inside, and I am feeling alive.
