Maybe we need some space

Prologue

“…Things are not working for us… I think we should spend some time apart… maybe we need some space.” These are common phrases people in a relationship use whenever the relationship loses its spark.

Usually when such statements pop out from one side unexpectedly, they cause devastation; especially if the couple is not in a balanced emotional state. The person with the lion’s share of emotions always gets hurt…

The story

My friends and I were chatting in laughing until one of our friends came in, his jaw clenched in anger. He said, “I told her that we needed some space.” The topic of discussion changed immediately, “Why? What happened? What did she say?” All of us bombarded him with questions.

Without responding to any of our questions he said, “Guys, I am not in a good mood, plus my head is going to blow so I should go home and rest.” All of us insisted that he stay with us so he could get over his bad mood but he was resolute. So, we let him go and took up a new topic of conversation: space in a relationship.

The argument

Mimi, 26 – I personally believe that nothing stays as it is forever. Hence, problems may occur in relationships. You may try to work on minor problems while you are still in the relationship, but there are times when you can’t face and fix some problems then and there. Whenever there are frequent arguments, or when you fail to understand each other, it’s time to take a break and try to solve things from a fresh perspective, without emotional attachment. 

Nani, 24 - Problems in relationships are inevitable, there are always ups and downs; if you give up whenever problems arise, you will end up with a series of short, broken relationships. I believe there isn’t anything people can’t solve through discussion. I firmly believe in discussion. Taking time off from a relationship is like a break up for me. 

Zizi, 27- Just because someone wants space, doesn’t mean it’s totally over. A guy may be bored and stressed out for several reasons and may loose track of his relationship. At such moments whatever you do may not bring him closer, instead it may push him away. So the best way is to give him a space to think. By being less available, he may realize what he has been missing.  I believe in destiny. As the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was yours.” After all, God just doesn’t give us what we want but what is right for us, whether we like it or not.  

Rabu, 25 – For no reason at all, sometimes you will loose the spark of a relationship. Things will become routine and boring. Guys won’t persistently give out the effort, care and respect they gave you at the beginning of the relationship. Once they make sure they have you under control, their attention will gradually drop off. They may eventually put their moves on the next girl. So, if talking and giving each other space for a couple of weeks doesn’t get you anywhere, then it’s time to press next, time to move on to plan B.

Ashu, 30- There are times when girls suffocate the living hell out of you and you need some time with your friends or alone so that you can explore new passions and hobbies. Some girls don’t give you breathing space, so we guys start to make up stories and frequent arguments will eventually arise. At times like this, a little bit of space helps. I can’t say for how long; sometimes a couple of days, sometimes weeks or even months.

 

Heny, 25 – I believe life is filled with tense moments- work, social life and so on. We get stressed out in all of these activities, which is why we take time off from all of these routines once in a while. The same goes for relationships. There are moments when relationships become disastrous, so obviously, you need to take time off.  I can’t exactly state the time limit of the space; the waiting period depends on the length of the relationship; if the relationship lasted long enough you don’t want to take the risk of losing it so quickly. Thus, you try to figure out things in shorter time period.  

Timmy, 26- I believe time matters in a relationship. Relationships are a series of journeys. Once you are on a continuous journey, you shouldn’t make the journey boring by going through it at the same speed. You have to change the gears once in a while. That’s why people should go to the next step- engagement, wedding, kids, and so on. This will keep the relationship fresh and exciting.

Mimi, Zizi, Rabu, Ashu and Heny think that maintaining some distance may help- with the thought of starting it fresh again after the break. On the other hand, Nani and Timmy argue the reverse. According to them, taking a break in a relationship is tantamount to agreeing to break up. There are probabilities of finding new people that can fill out the gap on such open moments. Regardless of one’s opinion n whether or not a break in necessary, the important thing is for both parties to agree on what works best for them. 

Published on Zoma Magazine, August, 2012 Issue