Normalizing our norms

I was out of Addis for a work visit over the weekend to a nearby rural town called DebreBirhan120 kilometers north east of Addis Ababa.The town is somehow assuming its inevitable progress to modernization; and yet, you see the beautiful flavor of the country taste in it. The music you listen to are of the past 20 years, the local people greeting you with a sense of hospitality and genuine friendly approach, farmers still plaguing with oxen, fresh and organic milk as you saw it milked…

Given the altitude of the town and the low temperature, DebreBirhan is said to be the birth place offermented homemade alcohol drink called AREKE, which is now a common Ethiopian local alcohol drink. I waschatting with two new friends I met on the bus until we pass by these AREKE houses and got them convinced to try a couple of shots to heat up ourselves from the cold weather. As per my convincement we went to one of the AREKE houses and sat on the long wooden benches inside the small but crowded room/local bar;an old woman with traditional tattoosall over her neck, dressed with a cotton hand woven dress came out of a room behind a curtain with a bottle of AREKE and pour three glasses of it for me and two of my new friends. 

While we were talking seeping our second glass of AREKE, an old man with a hut and a traditional handmade woolen outfit called GABI came in; he took my attention (or should I say ‘they took my attention’ as in to refer to an elderly in our culture; out of showing respect we don’t call an old person as ‘he’ or ‘she’ we use a term which for westerners could be a term for plural ‘they’) …anyways, the old man took my attention because all the customers in the AREKE house stood up by way of showing respect. Until this moment I didn’t realized the difference in these local alcohol bars and the ones in Addis or any other ‘modernized cities’ for that matter; except for the qualities of the places and the materials within or the music you listen to. You get to meet new people in both places, you get to have fun and drunk (you even get drunk soonerhere for two reasons; primarily, the strength of the alcohol/AREKE and second, the cheap price of it).Coming back to my point, I was stunned by the scene; I was reminded of what we lost in time, what we evaded, the respect, the hospitality, the sincerity… 

I remember, I my self was from the generation where it was common to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in most of the conversations. Standing up for the elders is the kind of norm I was raised in as a kid. we stood up and say ‘NOR’ whenever elders show up. I don’t really know the exact meaning of the term but it’s to show respect and a sense of welcominggesture to those elderly people. In return the elderly respond ‘BE EGZER’ roughly interpreted to mean in the name of Lord,please be seated.

If I am not bold enough, I would say this tradition has faded away from the so called modernized cities like Addis. We no more stand up for older people in buses or other places to give them seats as we see them standing while we are seated. Many of us are led to believe modernization made us pursue a good way of life;it did, to the most part.Yet, it isripping of our cherished norms. That’s why the scene in that small town bar made me retell this noble norm we had and seem to be fading away to be nothing but a cultural story to be told for our children… as I am doing it right now. To wrap up my point, I would say, it is time to give our good values a thought and halt normalizing our virtuous norms.

Making sense out of life

When life doesn't make sense, ...make some

Bertolomiyos… he is a questioner, he poses questions, he asks those questions and tries to find answers for them. His life has been all about the search for uncountable serious of questions unanswered;questions about life generally and the specifics in it. He tries not to live ‘the life’ but understand it. Hisefforts are not to live the life as we know it- ‘the, learn, work and get rich’ one. He always seeks meanings out of the life he lives; he tries to make sense out of it. He doesn’t want his life to be predetermined and never goes to live under those limited components of ‘learn, work and get rich’ routine. He is even curious to understand the meaning behind all that.

His favorite quote ever read is Marcus Aurelius’s “our life is what our thoughts make it” whatever is in our thoughts, we live it. He believes it to be the best sensible quote ever said. As to him, life is as dynamic and meaningful to each one of us.Its dynamism could stretch to making quite different senses to each and every one.  Therefore, by way of making sense out of the above quote his life is explained as a life based on seeking answers to his own questions in his own convenient way, not in a generally accepted or regarded way. Those ways are set by others through their own query in way of making sense to their lives. His quires are different for unto them he should find answers- may be similar or quite different answers. He chose to live this way, because that was in his thought. Has it been, the ‘learn, work and get rich’ life he was looking for (which he could easily be successful at with his smartness) he would have lived it that way. Accordingly, he makes his living earning enough money for his prior needs, no extra savings but enough for his survival.   

Sharon… she is a beautiful, smart, funny and sociable girl he met. One thing led to another and got to like her, perhaps loved her; Loved her for the way she accepted him for who he is, at least that’s what he thought so at first. As he kept on seeing her, he started contemplating all the things she would say. That is the thing about Bertolomiyos he doesn’t hear people, he listens to them; he tries to listen to what they are trying to make sense out of what they say.

Among the many conversations he and Sharon had, something constantly started to bother him. Something he had highlighted and passed as a must revised topic. In most of their conversations she use to associate her life as one filled with all ‘perfect’ ‘happily ever after’ one. At one instant, he was having tea with her and two other friends of his in a quiet and breathy lounge, she randomly saw her cousin and started to tell them about her – “she has one of the best families ever, her husband owns his own construction company and he is making a beach house… he bought her mom a beautiful house… he bought his wife a nice brand new car… he… I wish I could marry him” he didn’t believe the last phrase coming out of her or at least he didn’t want to accept the very fact she spoke out loud those words. With a bit of embarrassment he felt and awkward look from his friends he tried to change the topic and forget making sense out of what she said so as not to start an argument; for, the day was her birth day.

The next day he called her so as he could have a chat with her and explained all the things he sensed – “look Sharon, you are a beautiful, smart, and fun to be with girl, I hope you may have your projection to the kind of life you would want to have in the future and I sensed that from our conversation yesterday and most other times all the beach house and the description of the kind of guy you would like to marry… honestly speaking I’m not that kind of guy, I don’t see any sense out of all that… rich is never my concern in life but happiness and meaning behind all I do… so, I think I’m not the right guy for you…”

He couldn’t believe those words finally came out of his mouth (as he dashed out and started to slowly disappear from her eyes), but they did. He is always a man of making sense out of his life.He measures things not by their communal acceptance or popular vote but by their worth or meaning to him.

Lots of memories flashed back to his mind, he ones bought her a shoes she liked for an amount he could not normally afford for a shoes and asked her a question “consider a rich man buys his wife an expensible dress to his wife and also a guy with an average income does the same which gift do you think will have much worth or meaning?” she replied “I think the man’s with the average earning”

Interrupting her there, he continued on speaking. “Yes, the things we do, really matter to others when they really matter to us, this guy with an average income could have bought the same dress to his mother that day but he can’t afford to buy two as the rich guy could so; he has to choose which one toplease first.” He remembered she doesn’t really got what he wanted to make sense out of his analogy. He repeated out his first sentence as he keeps on walking “‘the things we do, really matter to others when they matter to us’ our actions are meaningful when they are worthy of us, worthy of our time, worthy of our thoughts, worthy of… that’s when life makes sense to me… that’s what pleases me most… making sense out of life.”