Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Street Phylosophy II: Dinner with a Beggar

Prologue:

A friend of mine read my article "Street Philosophy" in the July issue of Zoma and we started talking about street-people. He thinks most street-people have bizarre stories and shared an intriguing story of an  aged beggar named Gash Beke, what follows is the story as he narrated it:

The Story:
I was having coffee with a friend of mine in the car. All of a sudden an old aged beggar appeared. He came close to my window and asked for money, after a moment of hesitation my friend took out one Birr, gave him and said, “Don't drink with it!” with an orderly tone. The old beggar sarcastically smiled and said, “No, I will buy a house with it” For I was not expecting that coming, I burst with laughter. Then, I rephrased what my friend wanted to say. “He meant buy something to eat” The beggar replied, “I am the one who knows why I'm in need of the money, he didn't asked me why I wanted it in the first place, so why is he telling me what to do now. It's up to me to decide that.” 

My friend interrupted, “let me ask you now, what are you going to do with the money I gave you?” “I will drink with it!” answered the old beggar proudly. Amazed with his honesty and quick replay I asked, “Have you eaten?” “Yes, in the morning” he replied. “It is dinner time now, aren't you hungry? Isn't it better if you eat than drink?” I hinted.  

“You only gave me one Birr, so with such amount of money I prefer taking my sleeping pill, Ouzo.” “Why alcohol over bread?” I asked. “My son you can do both, eat your dinner as well as drink till you get wasted; where as I have to choose either to eat or drink, so I choose to drink and have my joyful, warm sleep on the street.”

I and my friend felt sympathy listening after the old man's straight yet touchy reply. We then looked at each other and agreed to buy him dinner and a couple of beers for we were amazed with his honesty and straightforwardness.    

We asked him to get in the car; however, he refused for he thought he will ruin the car with his dirty clothes. We insisted that he get in, hesitant for a while; he finally got in and sat behind uncomfortably till we reached a nearby restaurant.

Eager to be amazed with more of his conversations, we quickly ordered three meals and asked him the story of his life. He told us everything about himself; that he used to be employed and earn a regular salary until he was unable to walk for months after a hit-and-run car accident. Due to that, he lost his job and small rent house for he has no one to support him. This was what he said, “…with just one unfortunate incident I ended up on the street.”

After we had had our dinner and a couple of beers we offered to give him some money as we were dropping him to his sleeping place, a corner of a street. “Why do I need money now? I have had my dinner and got enough to drink” said the old man calmly. “You might use it for tomorrow.” my friend suggested.

The old beggar smiled wistfully and said, “I have never slept on the streets with money in my pocket. If I have money left after my Ouzo I always give it to other friends. I don't have a house rent to pay, bills to cover or tax to be deducted, so why should I save money for? I have never thought about tomorrow; I may or may not wake up. I only live each day until bed time. Tomorrow is another day; it brings its own fortune. Every day is filled with surprises; we humans are blindfolded animals led by our fate; we don't choose our life, fate chooses for us. We have no will over life. That is exactly what happened to me; one unfortunate night made me the way I am now…”

He opened the door and as he stood leave he said, “If you listen to me, let me tell you one thing at last…” We gave him our ears, “My sons, you may work till you sweat, you may accumulate wealth, but know that there is also fortune in life. You don't know what will happen tomorrow; you don't know your destiny; so live each day like it is your last; be good, do good.” He then opened the car and went to his corner. 
My friend and I felt like we had spent the night with a wise shrink. His views and reflections reminded us of simple and yet great principles of life - simplicity and kindness.

My friend finished his narration and paused for a while until I myself woke up out of a meditative state of mind. I shook my head and said “What a story!”  My friend nodded reflectively.

End-note:
Out of my few encounters and stories I heard about street-people I realized that they are the kind of people whose lives put you in a continuous dilemma. Whatever names you give them- disfranchised, homeless, hobos, bums, street-people, or whatever stereotypes you have about them you don't get to know how humble, entertaining, frank and thoughtful they are until you get closer and chat with them; they will ask you absolutely anything and honestly tell you everything. 

Besides their shocking and surprising stories these people not only need our helping hand but our consideration and affection. Such is how you get to know their real story and hidden philosophic thoughts. 

After Story:
My friend became friends with Gash Beke, the old beggar. He used to visit him sometimes and chat whenever he was down; he thinks his advice helped him a lot... “I enjoy talking to him; he was the best adviser... Friends of Gash Beke on the street used to call me whenever he was sick. They used to think I was his biological son because he used to call me ‘my son’. I heard Gash Beke died on my return from a few months of training abroad. RIP Gash Beke!”

Dedicated to Gash Beke
Photo by Meklit Mersha, Zoma Magazine
 









 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Maybe we need some space



Prologue
“…Things are not working for us… I think we should spend some time apart… maybe we need some space.” These are common phrases people in a relationship use whenever the relationship loses its spark.

Usually when such statements pop out from one side unexpectedly, they cause devastation; especially if the couple is not in a balanced emotional state. The person with the lion’s share of emotions always gets hurt…

The story
My friends and I were chatting in laughing until one of our friends came in, his jaw clenched in anger. He said, “I told her that we needed some space.” The topic of discussion changed immediately, “Why? What happened? What did she say?” All of us bombarded him with questions.

Without responding to any of our questions he said, “Guys, I am not in a good mood, plus my head is going to blow so I should go home and rest.” All of us insisted that he stay with us so he could get over his bad mood but he was resolute. So, we let him go and took up a new topic of conversation: space in a relationship.

The argument
Mimi, 26 – I personally believe that nothing stays as it is forever. Hence, problems may occur in relationships. You may try to work on minor problems while you are still in the relationship, but there are times when you can’t face and fix some problems then and there. Whenever there are frequent arguments, or when you fail to understand each other, it’s time to take a break and try to solve things from a fresh perspective, without emotional attachment. 

Nani, 24 - Problems in relationships are inevitable, there are always ups and downs; if you give up whenever problems arise, you will end up with a series of short, broken relationships. I believe there isn’t anything people can’t solve through discussion. I firmly believe in discussion. Taking time off from a relationship is like a break up for me. 

Zizi, 27- Just because someone wants space, doesn’t mean it’s totally over. A guy may be bored and stressed out for several reasons and may loose track of his relationship. At such moments whatever you do may not bring him closer, instead it may push him away. So the best way is to give him a space to think. By being less available, he may realize what he has been missing.  I believe in destiny. As the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was yours.” After all, God just doesn’t give us what we want but what is right for us, whether we like it or not.  

Rabu, 25 – For no reason at all, sometimes you will loose the spark of a relationship. Things will become routine and boring. Guys won’t persistently give out the effort, care and respect they gave you at the beginning of the relationship. Once they make sure they have you under control, their attention will gradually drop off. They may eventually put their moves on the next girl. So, if talking and giving each other space for a couple of weeks doesn’t get you anywhere, then it’s time to press next, time to move on to plan B.

Ashu, 30- There are times when girls suffocate the living hell out of you and you need some time with your friends or alone so that you can explore new passions and hobbies. Some girls don’t give you breathing space, so we guys start to make up stories and frequent arguments will eventually arise. At times like this, a little bit of space helps. I can’t say for how long; sometimes a couple of days, sometimes weeks or even months.
 
Heny, 25 – I believe life is filled with tense moments- work, social life and so on. We get stressed out in all of these activities, which is why we take time off from all of these routines once in a while. The same goes for relationships. There are moments when relationships become disastrous, so obviously, you need to take time off.  I can’t exactly state the time limit of the space; the waiting period depends on the length of the relationship; if the relationship lasted long enough you don’t want to take the risk of losing it so quickly. Thus, you try to figure out things in shorter time period.  

Timmy, 26- I believe time matters in a relationship. Relationships are a series of journeys. Once you are on a continuous journey, you shouldn’t make the journey boring by going through it at the same speed. You have to change the gears once in a while. That’s why people should go to the next step- engagement, wedding, kids, and so on. This will keep the relationship fresh and exciting.

Mimi, Zizi, Rabu, Ashu and Heny think that maintaining some distance may help- with the thought of starting it fresh again after the break. On the other hand, Nani and Timmy argue the reverse. According to them, taking a break in a relationship is tantamount to agreeing to break up. There are probabilities of finding new people that can fill out the gap on such open moments. Regardless of one’s opinion n whether or not a break in necessary, the important thing is for both parties to agree on what works best for them. 

Published on Zoma Magazine, August, 2012 Issue