Normalizing our norms

I was out of Addis for a work visit over the weekend to a nearby rural town called DebreBirhan120 kilometers north east of Addis Ababa.The town is somehow assuming its inevitable progress to modernization; and yet, you see the beautiful flavor of the country taste in it. The music you listen to are of the past 20 years, the local people greeting you with a sense of hospitality and genuine friendly approach, farmers still plaguing with oxen, fresh and organic milk as you saw it milked…

Given the altitude of the town and the low temperature, DebreBirhan is said to be the birth place offermented homemade alcohol drink called AREKE, which is now a common Ethiopian local alcohol drink. I waschatting with two new friends I met on the bus until we pass by these AREKE houses and got them convinced to try a couple of shots to heat up ourselves from the cold weather. As per my convincement we went to one of the AREKE houses and sat on the long wooden benches inside the small but crowded room/local bar;an old woman with traditional tattoosall over her neck, dressed with a cotton hand woven dress came out of a room behind a curtain with a bottle of AREKE and pour three glasses of it for me and two of my new friends. 

While we were talking seeping our second glass of AREKE, an old man with a hut and a traditional handmade woolen outfit called GABI came in; he took my attention (or should I say ‘they took my attention’ as in to refer to an elderly in our culture; out of showing respect we don’t call an old person as ‘he’ or ‘she’ we use a term which for westerners could be a term for plural ‘they’) …anyways, the old man took my attention because all the customers in the AREKE house stood up by way of showing respect. Until this moment I didn’t realized the difference in these local alcohol bars and the ones in Addis or any other ‘modernized cities’ for that matter; except for the qualities of the places and the materials within or the music you listen to. You get to meet new people in both places, you get to have fun and drunk (you even get drunk soonerhere for two reasons; primarily, the strength of the alcohol/AREKE and second, the cheap price of it).Coming back to my point, I was stunned by the scene; I was reminded of what we lost in time, what we evaded, the respect, the hospitality, the sincerity… 

I remember, I my self was from the generation where it was common to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in most of the conversations. Standing up for the elders is the kind of norm I was raised in as a kid. we stood up and say ‘NOR’ whenever elders show up. I don’t really know the exact meaning of the term but it’s to show respect and a sense of welcominggesture to those elderly people. In return the elderly respond ‘BE EGZER’ roughly interpreted to mean in the name of Lord,please be seated.

If I am not bold enough, I would say this tradition has faded away from the so called modernized cities like Addis. We no more stand up for older people in buses or other places to give them seats as we see them standing while we are seated. Many of us are led to believe modernization made us pursue a good way of life;it did, to the most part.Yet, it isripping of our cherished norms. That’s why the scene in that small town bar made me retell this noble norm we had and seem to be fading away to be nothing but a cultural story to be told for our children… as I am doing it right now. To wrap up my point, I would say, it is time to give our good values a thought and halt normalizing our virtuous norms.

Making sense out of life

When life doesn't make sense, ...make some

Bertolomiyos… he is a questioner, he poses questions, he asks those questions and tries to find answers for them. His life has been all about the search for uncountable serious of questions unanswered;questions about life generally and the specifics in it. He tries not to live ‘the life’ but understand it. Hisefforts are not to live the life as we know it- ‘the, learn, work and get rich’ one. He always seeks meanings out of the life he lives; he tries to make sense out of it. He doesn’t want his life to be predetermined and never goes to live under those limited components of ‘learn, work and get rich’ routine. He is even curious to understand the meaning behind all that.

His favorite quote ever read is Marcus Aurelius’s “our life is what our thoughts make it” whatever is in our thoughts, we live it. He believes it to be the best sensible quote ever said. As to him, life is as dynamic and meaningful to each one of us.Its dynamism could stretch to making quite different senses to each and every one.  Therefore, by way of making sense out of the above quote his life is explained as a life based on seeking answers to his own questions in his own convenient way, not in a generally accepted or regarded way. Those ways are set by others through their own query in way of making sense to their lives. His quires are different for unto them he should find answers- may be similar or quite different answers. He chose to live this way, because that was in his thought. Has it been, the ‘learn, work and get rich’ life he was looking for (which he could easily be successful at with his smartness) he would have lived it that way. Accordingly, he makes his living earning enough money for his prior needs, no extra savings but enough for his survival.   

Sharon… she is a beautiful, smart, funny and sociable girl he met. One thing led to another and got to like her, perhaps loved her; Loved her for the way she accepted him for who he is, at least that’s what he thought so at first. As he kept on seeing her, he started contemplating all the things she would say. That is the thing about Bertolomiyos he doesn’t hear people, he listens to them; he tries to listen to what they are trying to make sense out of what they say.

Among the many conversations he and Sharon had, something constantly started to bother him. Something he had highlighted and passed as a must revised topic. In most of their conversations she use to associate her life as one filled with all ‘perfect’ ‘happily ever after’ one. At one instant, he was having tea with her and two other friends of his in a quiet and breathy lounge, she randomly saw her cousin and started to tell them about her – “she has one of the best families ever, her husband owns his own construction company and he is making a beach house… he bought her mom a beautiful house… he bought his wife a nice brand new car… he… I wish I could marry him” he didn’t believe the last phrase coming out of her or at least he didn’t want to accept the very fact she spoke out loud those words. With a bit of embarrassment he felt and awkward look from his friends he tried to change the topic and forget making sense out of what she said so as not to start an argument; for, the day was her birth day.

The next day he called her so as he could have a chat with her and explained all the things he sensed – “look Sharon, you are a beautiful, smart, and fun to be with girl, I hope you may have your projection to the kind of life you would want to have in the future and I sensed that from our conversation yesterday and most other times all the beach house and the description of the kind of guy you would like to marry… honestly speaking I’m not that kind of guy, I don’t see any sense out of all that… rich is never my concern in life but happiness and meaning behind all I do… so, I think I’m not the right guy for you…”

He couldn’t believe those words finally came out of his mouth (as he dashed out and started to slowly disappear from her eyes), but they did. He is always a man of making sense out of his life.He measures things not by their communal acceptance or popular vote but by their worth or meaning to him.

Lots of memories flashed back to his mind, he ones bought her a shoes she liked for an amount he could not normally afford for a shoes and asked her a question “consider a rich man buys his wife an expensible dress to his wife and also a guy with an average income does the same which gift do you think will have much worth or meaning?” she replied “I think the man’s with the average earning”

Interrupting her there, he continued on speaking. “Yes, the things we do, really matter to others when they really matter to us, this guy with an average income could have bought the same dress to his mother that day but he can’t afford to buy two as the rich guy could so; he has to choose which one toplease first.” He remembered she doesn’t really got what he wanted to make sense out of his analogy. He repeated out his first sentence as he keeps on walking “‘the things we do, really matter to others when they matter to us’ our actions are meaningful when they are worthy of us, worthy of our time, worthy of our thoughts, worthy of… that’s when life makes sense to me… that’s what pleases me most… making sense out of life.”

Forgiven

This poem was written to tribute Nelson Mandela, the statute of forgiveness, an earthly saint.

no more description, enjoy the poem:

  Forgiven

How deep my sorrow

How bitter my loss

How broken I am

How empty I feel

How betrayed I am

How ashamed I could be

I won’t curse   

Opt, revenge

Contained is my rage

Forgiven, all you are

Forgiven!

All my rampant acts

My anguish, agony

 Bitter stiff vengeance

Are gone against you

I learn to let it go

I learn to let you live

Leave, not to see me despair

I leave you, to live you

The you, you will resent

The you ,you will regret

BINI - July 18, 2011

The me, in you

Inspired by a phone chat with a friend:

Every one of us is too selfish to love another being; we love ourselves so much, that others matter to us on a second thought. I tried to interpret the word selfish as ‘self-fish’ a term coined to mean self-seeking as the dictionary meaning of ‘to fish’ is ‘to seek’. Hence, we fish ourselves; we all seek what’s in there for us.

The chat I had with my friend rose with the query, “what do people see in others when they love?” Hence, with the above concept in mind, I tried to explain we all are self-fish, self-seekers, searching for what’s in good for us. We all search for what’s there to help us fulfill our incompleteness. Therefore, the thing that’s called love is nothing but a search for our needs, feelings, and wants in others. Accordingly, whenever we are in love with someone it means we found our needs and emptiness in that other person so as to fill our incompleteness. Isn’t it what it says in the book of creation, isn’t Eve the part of Adam that makes him complete?

So I say true love is said to be found when we fill the most part of our incompleteness with the companionship of others. Our incompleteness includes some components like emotional, physical, and spiritual. Here, it’s wise to highlight love seeming feelings like infatuation which are caused by bodily attraction or some other qualities which are not qualified to be as true love. The reason is, those types of companionship seem to fill our completeness because they try to cover up our main wants but not most or all of it. Hence, today’s biggest problem may be negligible tomorrow. That’s why some relationships that seemed to be built on intimate love at first appear to crack later.

Aside the incompleteness, we all are naturally attracted to ourselves. So, whatever qualities we see on others that are ours we tend to be attracted to. Simply put, true love is like looking oneself in a mirror; as a mirror reflects whatever you are; the other being you are in love with is the reflection of you; the reflection of your needs, wants and desires.

Follows the thought in poem:

THE ME, IN YOU

I, the living

I, the selfish living

I love, the me selfish living

Yet,

I say to you

Adore the you in you

Believe me when I say

I love you, not for say

I am sure this time

As sure as one can be

Every little thing you do

Every piece, every part

All about you

Wakes the me in you

Coz, my darling

Everything within me

I found it in you.

BINI – July 7, 2011

Dispute Dues (The Mind Vs the Heart)

        ‘If I could make up my heart’

I some how meditated on the jargon, ‘to make up one’s mind’ it’s common to hear people saying “I make up my mind” and indeed, you can make up your mind. You can alter what to think and what not.

Mind works in two levels; its’ primary task is to gather information and process the information. As Echart Tolle, the author of a best seller self help book, the power of now puts it, the mind is like a tape recorder it continuously records and plays information at the same time.

The second task of the mind is to calculate. The mind acts like a calculator, processing the information it has; it calculates advantages and disadvantages, benefits and risks, gain and loss. The mind follows the principle “the end justifies the means: whatever value the mind gives you at the end is a benefit calculated result, whatever the means may be.

The tricky thing about mind is it quite accepts any information that you feed in to it. You can feed your mind 1+1=2 or 1+1=3 and it accepts both as truth. Mind knows no absolute truth. You can change the value of wrong and right anytime and the mind accepts those values. For, the mind is nothing but a calculator that calculates using whatever previous information is stored.

However, there is this part of us called the heart that is filled with spirit. Its task is to sense, unlike the mind that only plays, stores and calculates any information. The heart is naturally logical not informational logical as in the mind. The heart seems to randomly know what’s wrong and right. You can not make up your heart as you can make up your mind. I say the heart came with system information loaded in it. Hence, you cannot overwrite what’s naturally there in the heart. The other thing is the heart doesn’t think as the mind, it doesn’t calculate, it just tells you what’s genuinely right. For this, I say the heart follows the principle, “the means justifies the end” because the heart doesn’t mind whatever the outcome is, it only tells u what’s right.

Accordingly, we usually encounter with a dispute of the two; the mind and the heart. The heart feels something and the mind tries to avoid that, the heart screams wrong and the mind tries to suppress that. That’s why we usually find ourselves in a crossroad to decide which one to listen to. But, I say, you better follow your heart; for, the heart is of natural intellect while the mind is of feed intellect.  

Follows the thought in poem:

      DISPUTE DUES

(The Mind Vs the Heart)

I found my self in dispute

Caught up with feeling and thought

Tried to stop thinking

I make up my mind

So, I may be thoughtless

So I shall not mind

      Indeed,

I now can, to think not

For, I control the mind

I choose to think what not

      Yet,

Fail to break the source

Fail to halt to feel

Couldn’t make up my heart

As I made up my mind

       For,

No heart possess brain

None, ever mind

BINI – July 5, 2011

The Adviser

“Walk the talk”

I was reading Robert Kiyosaki’s (the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad) book called Increase your financial IQ and encountered with this small principle, ‘walk the talk’ which made me realize the two people accordingly, ‘The walker’ and ‘the talker’.

Some people, I can say most of us are good in talking or even advising. We know all the theories and principles about success in every aspect of life. However, we don’t apply those things in our lives. We don’t live our knowledge, we don’t walk the talk. We are the watchers; ones who give advise to others and witness in our own eyes the change of those who we advised.  

There are those who know little but acts much, those who walk the talk, and those who apply their knowledge, the real wise. After all, wisdom is nothing but knowledge applied.

According to the book, the poor are poor because they are rich, because they know too much. But the rich become rich because they were poor. Hence, once they got the knowledge they needed to change their lives they didn’t risk to hold it; they applied their knowledge; so that, they won’t lose the little thing they know.

Here is a poem to those who talk and forgot to walk the talk, ‘Walk it like you talk it’!

THE ADVISER 

In search of solution,

Against all my odds

I saw an adviser

So I can get wiser.

The adviser,

The ‘wiser’

As he sat still

Teaching all in a row

Thought me all I know

I, the advised

Learn to walk the talk

While, the adviser

The ‘wiser’

The watcher,

Kept on advising

To his old age,

Until he cannot walk

And quit to talk.

Bini – June 26, 2011

Knock, if you ever come

Inspired by a chat with a friend

Sometimes in relationships people think keeping some distance, giving a relationship a brake may help; with a thought of starting it fresh again. However, the reverse may happen sometimes; since an open heart attracts viewers as an open show attracts audiences.

Simply put, there are probabilities of finding new people that can fill out the gap in such left-open relationships. Which in fact, were supposed to work out through time. Hence, if people allow such things they should also be able to accept the consequence. They should learn to “knock, if they ever come” as i have tried to put it as a principle. 

here goes the thought in poem:

KNOCK, IF YOU EVER COME

For you walked away in silence,

Disappeared in time,

Vanished, like the smell of water,

Short of closing the door,

Making me vulnerable,

Open was my gateway.

     Thus,

Too many walked through

Too many stayed

Quite a few remained

     Yet,

The remained understood

To lock the entry

That was left exposed

    Now,

Closed is my gateway

Secured-entry

   Hence,

If you ever come

If I ever open

Knock!

   So,

 I may wake.

Bini – June 14, 2011

Prayer in the dark

“the People Who Walk In Darkness Shall See A Great Light”

Sometimes I feel like we look as if we are living in darkness; where no one seems to notice anyone, where no one sees anyone. Considering all the war, the killing, the lies, the hatred, the crime, the animosity, the distrust, the enmity and other inhuman, heartless, merciless acts we do, I ask myself, are we really awake? Our eyes open? Are we really thinking? Do we really feel?

As the anti-illuminati advocators propagate, I think we are in a wave of dizziness, where each of us is in absolute sleepiness, with our eyes closed just crawling and moving around in the dark. I think only few opened their eyes and sees these fact. That, if we really were living in the light with our eyes opened we wouldn’t let all these negativities happen. We wouldn’t crush, we wouldn’t kill each other, we wouldn’t strive to destroy each other, if we open our eyes and see how different and unique we are we wouldn’t hate each other, if we open our eyes and look to the eyes of the others as we speak we wouldn’t lie straight to their faces … and so and so forth

Hence, realizing the life we are living in darkness, I gave this little prayer for it is said, “the People Who Walk In Darkness Shall See A Great Light” /Isaiah 9:1-7/

  PRAYER IN THE DARK

In the dark,

In the gloomy shadow,

In the dim,

In the foggy window,

In a world of war, sphere of animosity

In a kingdom of evil, domain of enmity

In a place of lie, realm of distrust

In a globe of greed, house of lust

Show me how to see

Teach me to stride

Make me, not collapse

Help me, not get lost

In the dark, in the night

Where there is no light

BINI – June 10, 2011

Dispute Trios (The mind, the body and the soul)

This poem came up as a hypothetical debate between the three main components that made up humans- the mind, the body and the soul. And I figured out there are three kinds of people according to the dominance of these three. The thought is a bit philosophical and wide but I’ll try to put what I thought of as short as follows:People whose minds dominate are people who have the personality of following their mind, their reasoning, and their asking capacity. They tend to live up by the fruits of their mind output. They feel life is all about mind games, calculating risks and analyzing the benefits of each of their activities.Others are those whose bodies dominate. These are the kind of people who view life as nothing but one time chance to enjoy and satisfy their body needs with all the bodily wants. All they think about is to eat, drink and pleasure their body by any means possible.The third ones are those whose soul dominates. These are the people who understand the unworthiness of following only one of the pieces, the body or the mind. For,the mind is nothing but a calculative tool given for us to systematically live our life; and the body is nothing but our physical form that transports us and functions as nothing but material representationof us. But the soul is a special divine gift filled with emotions, filled with the power of compromising and balancing the two.People whose souls dominate indeed don’t fall for the egoistic need of the mind or the body; because those two are never satisfied they are occupied with the constant need to be wealthier and be famous. But the soul only understands and weighs the balance of life. The soul is selfless, the soul is noble, the soul is genuine, the soul is helping, the soul is carrying, the soul is serving … it is the kind of personality we see in those people like Mother Teresa, Gandhi and some others. These are the kind of people who understood to balance their three pieces and let their souls dominate.Hey! wait, what’s the magic with the number three anyways? We are made up of these three pieces and in the book of Genesis/creation/ the creator or shall I say the creators are identified as three. Isn’t it why it says “let us make man in our image, in our likeness…” I better end my topic otherwise thoughts won’t stop flowing. Here is the hypothetical debate between these three. Trios – meaning threesomes 

DISPUTE TRIOS (The mind, the body and the soul) 

The Mind 

The leader, I shall be

I reason sincerely

Contemplate thoroughly

I research, study

I invent, I doubt

I mind, rule out 

The Body

I carry the mind

The so called intellect

That has never mind 

While asleep tired

Or paused gotten stoned 

The Soul

You may think, you may hold

You may glow, may mind

None of that, does matter

For, I provide the answer

I bridge, I connect

I balance, I reflect

No mind, is genuine

No body, is moral

I middle to balance

I bridge the duos

For we are threesomes

Made up of trios

 BINI – June 6, 2011

To Be Born Everyday

“Every day is the first day of the rest of my life”

I read the above quote and recalled what my friend and mentor once said about Time. He said, “I only have three days in my time definition; they are Yesterday, Tomorrow and Today” and explained their meanings accordingly:Yesterday -“I call whatever has passed as ‘yesterday’, even 5 minutes ago is yesterday; because it has passed… gone. I have no control; it’s nothing but a flashback, unalterable memory.”Tomorrow - “tomorrow is the future, the unlived, indeterminate, which we are not certain about.Today – “today is the now, the only moment I am certain about, the moment of life, the only time I have;the instant I guarantee, the time I can act up on!”…Until I read the above quote and recall my friend’s definition of time, it has never clearly occurred to my mind that we actually have one day in our life. And, that one actual day we have control on is today; because, ‘yesterday’ is nothing but a flashback, a memory that we cannot alter any of the events.And ‘Tomorrow’ is the undetermined, uncertain time.Consequently, the only day we have is ‘today’. So I supposed, we are given new chances to start over our lives only on todays; and, I said to myself whenever I wake up on a new day, realizing that it is the only day I got, I have to be grateful; I have to feel as if each waking days are my birthdays. The day I get reborn, the day I am given a new chance to learn from yesterday’s experience and act upon ‘today’ so that I may ensure a better ‘tomorrow’(perhaps, if I am given another wakening chance). … Here goes the thought in poem:

TO BE BORN EVERYDAY

Am I old in time?

Or …I old in essence

Aren’t I born just now?

As old as present

What is but yesteryear?

Time that just went by

What is but yesterday?

The day that just gone by

As shadow as image,

Bygone, in memory

That I cannot remake

Amend the aftermath

So, I say…

“Today is my birthday!”

My first day of life!

My shot to blossom

My chance to flourish,

My day to feel alive!

BINI – May 29/2011

Only, if I know

“Figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it”

I was watching a movie entitled ‘how do you know’ (a great inspirational love movie) and the main character asked a therapist if he could tell her one general thing that could generally work for anyone, anytime in any situation. He replied the above quotation; which grabbed my attention. I paused for a while and jot-down some points.

I asked myself, “do I really know what I want in my life?” the one, big, true thing that pleases me, a thing I could live for… and my answer was, “I think… I really am not sure” I didn’t figure that out yet.

As I read ‘The Secret’ and some other books “the world has plenty of your needs, all you have to do is ask for it.” This principle is called ‘the law of attraction’; it is a new metaphysical thought that simply says “you attract into your life whatever you think about.  Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. Like attracts like.” Also in the bible, it says, “And whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing ye shall receive” Mat 21:22. According to one of my all-time favorite Amharic proverb as well, “Aktachawan yemitawik Jelba nefas enkwan yiredatal” roughly translated as ‘Even the wind guides a rightly directed boat’.

I finally figured out, the problem lies in knowing not our direction, our desired path, knowing not what we really want; do we really know what we want, so as we can ask for it? Here is this thought in poem:

ONLY, IF I KNOW

If I only know,

The one thing that I need,

Only, if I know

If I, figure it out,

The-want, in my life,

My sole need - desire,

My wish – my aspire,

My purpose to acquire,

Then,

I’ll learn how to ask

I’ll bow – beg for it

And, wait – to get it

For, I know – I perceive

What ye ask … shall receive.

BINI – 25/5/2011

Resenting Freewill

By common definition Freewill is “the apparent human ability to make choices that are not externally determined.” My question is however, is there any action of us that is not externally determined?  Is there a will as such called ‘free’?  In one way or the other aren’t we the product of our environment, culture, tradition and beliefs. We are tied up and determined either physically, socially or psychologically.  Our mind is caught up with the Do and Do not rules of our society. Our will is no freer; our freedom is free-doomed.

Though, paradoxically enough, we feel we have freewill; we feel we live by our own favorite choices. For that matter, I could say nothing I chose in my life is really my freewill indisputably; I was guided whether by the society’s acceptance to my choice, or my tradition, my religion or any other external body. That’s why I resented freewill for it’s nothing but a utopian promise. 

RESENTING FREEWILL

Aren't we born free?

As free as the air,

Naked, our body

Empty, our mind

Pure, our soul

Blessed with freewill?

Yet,

The grower we are,

The fearful we become

Caught up with the DOs

Dealing with the DO NOTs

Tied up with the rules

Frozen in custom

Are we ever free?

Free from thoughts,

Free from trouble,

Free from rumor,

Free to aspire?

…

Know man, not free

No man, no free

And yet,

We all say we’re free

We feel our will-free.

BINI – May 19, 2011